Life no longer scares me
It no longer scares me. Not living this way nor life itself. I am used to it all, now. That change happened not even so long ago. Until about a few weeks ago I could still think about how strange it all is, what we’re doing. Not that I think it’s ridiculous, but you have to admit: living in a little van isn’t normal. Thinking about our way of living and how different it is from what we were used to (and the way almost all of our friends and family live) I would get this feeling that is hard to describe. It’s this kind of extreme realisation, like when you repeat a word over and over and it suddenly becomes so strange to hear. That’s how I felt when I really thought about what we’re doing.
Not so different all at once
Not anymore though. This is just it. This is to me what is living in a house is to you. Sure, I live in a van for almost half a year now, and have lived in a house for the remaining 30,5 years of my life, so it’s not like I’m all so different now. But that’s not what I am trying to say. What I mean is that things change and you change and that is just fine – and you WILL cope. Humans are such wonderful flexible creatures, after all. We will need some time to adjust after something’s changed, but soon we don’t know any better.
In advance I used to worry about going to the bathroom – and taking not a lot of clothes with me, but also not having the opportunity to wash ‘em all that often. Then, after we went on our way, I still worried. I thought about all the spare time I thought I would be having, which turned out not to be quite true. I still needed to prioritise, next to trying to keep on working and making money.
Worries = fear
Money: another thing to worry about. If you don’t look out, it’s all you’ll be doing in life. Of course you need money. We need money too. Although we need far less than before, we still need to earn it. But we have made the decision to spend our life in such a way at this moment, that the amount of worrying about income is reduced to an absolute minimum. Also: we could even be living on far less, if we would really have to.
Worries are fear. Meaning there are things you can’t control – things you may want to happen otherwise.
I’ve now found that some things go the total opposite way I had imagined them to. Is doesn’t make me any less happy though. It’s just the way it is. I used to wash my bed sheets every week and now only once every three weeks – if I’m lucky. The way I see cleanliness has shifted. That and other things are something personal and I don’t expect everyone to understand it, but I do believe everyone has room like that in their lives. A certain amount of space which will leaves you the ability to change and grow, but also still be yourself – and do the things you want in the way you want them to.
In the end it’s all about just doing it, getting used to it – and then find out that, really, it’s all okay.